If you’ve spent any time browsing online forums in the hunt for a nanny or host family, you’ll more than likely have also come across your share of horror stories and awkward tales from nannies the world over. While there are some truly shocking experiences people have faced, some of the trickiest scenarios can be avoided.
In this post, we’re rounding up some of the less-favourable scenarios experienced by nannies on discussion platform, Reddit, and sharing our top tips on how best to navigate similar scenarios should you ever run into them.
1 - “Laying Down The Law”
It’s not uncommon that families’ existing lifestyles and ways of working will feed into how parents want nannies to interact with their children, but this nanny details how a particular parent took that to a new level…
"I arrived to an 8 page set of house rules, laying out everything she had watched her sitters do on her nanny cams that she did not like and that were not allowed”. There were a few familiar and perfectly reasonable requests included, like “don't use cell phones while in our home” were on the list but the things that jumped out as red flags were things like “don't eat in front of our baby because it's unfair to her feelings” and “never take the baby into the bathroom with you because there were no cameras in there.”
The nanny in question was so offended by what the final rule insinuated that she never returned and was later told by her nanny agency that the mother had previously “sent 4 page emails on a weekly basis detailing and complaining about each sitter they had sent her up until [me]."
Our advice: For the benefit of both parties, it’s important to set out expectations early on - ideally at interview / hiring stage or in the first week of employment. This ensures nannies are aware of any particular lifestyle requirements, and can make an informed decision as to whether they’re able to support those needs before joining a family, and clear boundaries are established.
2 - ‘BURNT OUT WITH NO WAY OUT’
This nanny found herself in a particularly challenging situation where boundaries were overstepped and she found herself unable to commit to the family’s changing needs. As a consequence, her mental health was deprioritised and she was left feeling burnt out.
This nanny had been with the family for around 18 months and, with the mother expecting her third child imminently, was told regularly by the mother that she was “a part of [the] family, if you left us the kids would be crushed, we need you please never leave us”.
While that sounds like a positive relationship on the surface, the nanny notes that, on the flip side, she was regularly asked to “do things out of my comfort zone” like additional housework outside of contracted responsibilities, answer questions about her personal life, asked to stay late without increased remuneration, and expected to answer calls while off the clock.
Alongside this role, the nanny was also studying but the parents asked her to take a semester off to be available for 40+ hours each week once the baby arrived as while in classes, she was limited to being able to work 36 hours a week.
Eventually this nanny reached breaking point and she sought advice on how to resign respectfully, to retain a positive relationship with the family and obtain a good reference for any future work as, ultimately, she had done her job well. The only “issue” would have been her resignation as she felt the family would not take kindly to the timing, and may try to “manipulate” her into staying on.
Our advice: This one is particularly tricky…. First and foremost, at no point should a role, nannying or otherwise, jeopardize your mental health so if there are issues in place that are impacting this, it is important to communicate these to your employer. Discuss what’s causing you trouble and any solutions that you feel may help resolve the problem.
Using this nanny’s experience as an example, we would recommend having an open and honest conversation with a family early on about the evolution of your role if you feel your responsibilities have increased beyond what was contracted/agreed, as there may be opportunity to review priorities, or for increased pay to accommodate additional needs.
As far as resignation goes, ultimately employment works both ways - it is just as important that a family suits a nanny, as it is for a nanny to suit and meet the needs of a family. If at some point circumstances change, it is important to communicate this to the other party so an amicable agreement can be made on how best to move forward or part ways. In the case of this nanny, our suggestion would have been to explain to the family that prioritizing your education is important and was something you could juggle when you joined but that a new baby and increase in hours simply won’t be feasible. This gives the family the opportunity to explore reduction in hours or to accept your notice and begin the search for a replacement.
3 - “ALL INCLUSIVE EXPERIENCE”
Our third and final nanny found herself in a scenario where her employer had organised a family trip, including her. A working holiday doesn’t sound half bad, right? But this trip wasn’t quite what she had in mind…
“I was under the impression I'd have my own hotel room or at least a separate room in the suite. NOPE! They got a room with two queen beds in it and expected me to have a bed with one of the kiddos and then one of the parents would share a bed with the other kid. Oh, and aside from paying my airfare etc... I wasn't paid, only given $200 of "spending money".
Our advice: Having a written work agreement from the outset that outlines the nannies duties and responsibilities can help to prevent job creep. In the event that parents require a nanny to take on additional duties and tasks, or in this case, travel with the job, communication is key to ensure everyone understands and agrees to new expectations.
If these tasks are outside the scope of the original work agreement, the nanny should be compensated accordingly and, in this scenario, if a nanny is still working to contracted hours and fulfilling usual responsibilities, they should be remunerated as normal. Regardless of location.
KEY TAKEAWAYS:
One common theme among the stories above, and others we’ve seen on forums, is that unclear expectations, responsibilities and boundaries are the source of problems. Through clear communication, situations like these can be easily avoided to ensure both family and nanny have a smooth and pleasant experience for the duration of your time together! Interviews are also a good window for both parties to address expectations, possible changes in circumstance and ways of working. Read our recent post for additional tips on important things to cover at interview stage.