Finding the right nanny-family match can be an incredibly rewarding experience for both parties but tensions can quickly arise when unclear expectations and blurred boundaries impact these working relationships. We touched on this topic in an earlier blog post but we still see online forums filled with stories of nannies and families across the world who have found themselves in similarly tricky situations that could have been avoided with better communication and a clear understanding of roles.
One of the benefits of working with an agency such as ourselves is that we’ll help you to outline clear expectations and ways of working from the get go, to ensure nanny-family relationships are as smooth as they can be. But whether you opt to work with an agency or seek a nanny yourself, we are shining a spotlight on some of the common challenges nannies and families have faced and sharing our guidance on how best to avoid these pitfalls yourself.
1. When Expectations Go Too Far
The Challenge: In an online forum, one part-time nanny reported that she was left financially drained after the family asked her to cover costs and take on extra work without being reimbursed. This included covering the cost of extracurricular activities, being responsible for multiple friends’ children when parents decided to go on a group night out and being put on shift and then dropped at the eleventh hour so she was unable to commit to other work alongside her nannying role.
How to Avoid This: If a nanny is asked to temporarily cover additional costs for things like extracurricular activities or is asked to take on additional duties like caring for more children, it is essential that both parties discuss the expectations, compensation and any reimbursement well in advance. A nanny’s contract should not only cover working hours but also any additional pay for extended hours and additional duties. By having these conversations early, it ensures there is no feeling of resentment or uncertainty from either party when it comes to navigating circumstances like these.
Equally, if nannies are expected to occasionally care for additional children, this should be detailed within their contract and both parties align on the number of children he / she is equipped and comfortable to look after alone as safety should be the number one priority.
2. A Hard Goodbye
In another online forum, a nanny notes that after 2 wonderful years with a family, she handed in her notice as she felt it was naturally the right time to move on. While the family-nanny relationship had been really positive, she was taken aback when the mother became verbally aggressive and used guilt to pressure the nanny into staying with phrases like “how dare you” and “I thought you loved my children”. In a moment of panic, the nanny retracted the resignation and stayed for almost another year but the experience was nonetheless alarming and would ultimately have put both parties in the position of having to go through the resignation experience a second time down the line.
How to Avoid This: It is never easy to part ways with a nanny who has truly bonded with your family and we cover this in more depth in another post but there will always come a time where it’s naturally right for a nanny or a family to move on and that should be respected and handled graciously. While nannies can feel like members of your extended family after a time, they are first and foremost professionals and family ties should never be used to pressure them into working beyond their agreed responsibilities.
3. Tricky Sick Leave Terms
Another nanny found herself in a challenging situation after being diagnosed with a serious illness which required sudden surgery and a subsequent 2-week recovery period. Verbal communication between the nanny and family had led the nanny to believe that the recovery time should be considered as paid leave given the family had established a good working relationship over 3-years.
Although this was discussed verbally, it was not agreed in writing or as an addendum to her contract and alas, when the recovery window came around the nanny was not paid as expected which caused some frustration during what ought to have been a restful recovery window. While both parties managed to work things out, it ultimately put undue stress on their relationship and cost her most of her remaining annual leave and sick leave.
How to Avoid This: If an agreement is made to offer paid leave for sickness, this should really be honoured. This incident sounds like an honest miscommunication between the two parties around length of sick leave and payment during the period. Before commencing work with a nanny or as a nanny, ensure your contract outlines the process and expectations for sickness as this will help mitigate any confusion or possible tension if such instances occur.
If it is not captured in the initial contract then nannies are well within their rights to query this and / or request that such terms be captured within their contract before signing so there are no surprises or tricky conversations down the line.
Key Takeaways for Families and Nannies
The common theme in all these scenarios is a lack of clear expectations and boundaries. To build a strong, respectful working relationship, both families and nannies should:
Set expectations early and ensure expectations and compensation are clearly captured within the contract – Discuss responsibilities, house rules and lifestyle factors at the interview stage so all parties are on the same page.
Respect boundaries – While nannies can become close with families, they should never be pressured to go beyond their contracted duties or to stay if their time has come to move on amicably.
Communicate openly - Address any concerns as soon as possible before they become a major issue. Regular check-ins help maintain a positive dynamic.
Be fair and transparent – If a role evolves, so should compensation and recognition. This may begin with an open discussion (as captured in the point above)
It may not be rocket science but these are key factors that are so often forgotten. Learning from these experiences and setting up clear agreements from the start, can truly make all the difference in creating a happy, harmonious household for all parties.